Man Mussels

I’ve never been particularly ‘girlie.’ Try as I might to emulate Audrey Hepburn’s elegance, chromosomes had other plans for me. I am not dainty. Nor am I graceful (on the contrary, I’m normally a bull in a china shop).  Sure, I can dress the part as occasion demands, but I am not delicate. I prefer yoga pants to A-Line skirts. I’m so far from subtle that I should probably  reacquaint myself with the definition of the word. Point – yes I have one – is that I do not generally adhere to traditional gender roles because I have a tomboy nature. I have always believed women can do everything that a man does better  just as well.  Given my propensity to not conform to anticipated gender traits, it was slightly shocking to realize that I have a juxtaposed habit of being gender-ly judgmental about food. Something about this dish made me aware of my cognitive stereotyping and categorization of certain foods and dishes according to whether I, quite arbitrarily, deem them masculine or feminine. I was a bit horrified by this realization until I found an ally  in none other than Fabio Viviani who mentioned something about his cookbook incorporating “dainty lady food.” (I would attribute this article, but apparently EaterAustin wants it to be top secret and I cannot find it).

Here is the thing: No matter how many females dominate kitchens or grills around the world, the criss-crossed thought waves that emanate from this brain render grilling as a man’s duty. His skill. His forte. Does that mean that women can’t do it? Hell no! Women can rock a grill as good as any man. Heck, Top Chef mainstreamed women rocking a grill alongside men and beating them! But grilling, to me, has a masculine connotation and is a “masculine” duty. I cook my steaks in a cast iron on a gas stove. Like New Yorkers with their stoves, I have used a grill for storage space before. Kebabs are a manly dish to me (possibly because it is just grilled meat and possibly because – if you have a dirty mind – you can make the argument that they are somewhat phallic). I have an engrained – entirely stereotypical – belief that bacon is ‘manly.’ Maybe, this is because men go ape-shit over bacon. Maybe, it’s because I was not a huge bacon eater growing up and, thus, did not associate it with femininity  – or maybe I jusst have classic ‘Daddy didn’t eat enough bacon issues.’ I will save the analysis for my therapist, suffice it to say bacon is manly. Similarly, I have some weird signal in my brain that goes off when ‘smoke’ is introduced into a dish. Smokey equals manly. Lady dishes are tea sandwiches, clear broths and veluote’s, salads (except taco salads), ceviches and all manner of desserts.  For your sake, I am going to assume that you get the point…

I coined this dish  ‘Man Mussels’ because they are robust and quite the opposite of the delicate white wine garlic-based mussels that are ubiquitous (for good reason). Even when swimming in a flavorful broth, mussels have always come across as delicate and feminine to me. Generally, the liquid is light, crisp and bright and invokes visions of springtime ladies lunching. Doesn’t help that mussels are served alongside dainty little forks. When I conceptualized this dish, I actually intended to make two preparations of the mussels. I wanted the [feminine] preparation incorporating white wine, butter, shallot and other deliciousness. I also wanted to try something new. I had been on a tomato binge recently and wanted to create a tomato-based, robust, smokey, savory and fully satisfying mussel stew (to complement the insanely cold May in Texas). Only the latter preparation happened. The result: “man mussels.”  I threw in all manner of pantry (cannellini beans) and fridge items that either needed to be used (roasted carrots) or added nutrition (kale and spinach) and ate my two pounds of pure man mussels as a stew with homemade French bread for two days…(it would have lasted for three, but I couldn’t stop eating it). Don’t be scared by the number of ingredients – this is incredibly simple to make. You can have your fish monger clean the mussels for you, or you can do it yourself using these instructions. whatever you do – do not eat mussels that have not opened during steaming/cooking and be sure to use the mussels within 24 hours of purchase (preferably within 2-3 hours).

Man Mussels

Serves 4-8 depending on serving size

Two pounds very fresh mussels, rinsed and debearded

Three cups dry white wine, such as Sauvignon Blanc

One can Muir Glen Crushed Chipotle Tomatoes

One Tablespoon Turmeric

One Teaspoon Thyme

Red Chili Flakes to taste

One Can Cannellini Beans

Three tablespoons Butter

Two Cups Chicken Stock (homemade preferably)

Three slices of thick-cut, applewood smoked bacon, diced

Two large shallots, sliced thinly

Four cloves garlic, minced

Six carrots, previously roasted (optional)

One pint cherry tomatoes

One cup kale (optional)

One cup spinach (optional)

Squeeze of lemon juice

Salt to taste

Pepper to taste

Fresh Herbs, such as basil or cilantro, to finish (optional)

In a large sauté pan or dutch oven, heat a couple good glugs of olive oil and one tablespoon butter over a medium heat. Add bacon and crisp the chunks, remove from pan to bowl reserving drippings. Add the garlic, thyme, and shallots and sauté until glassy – about five to eight minutes. Add the wine and bring to a boil to reduce slightly, then – after a couple minutes – add chicken broth, crushed tomatoes and cherry tomatoes bring to a simmer. Add the turmeric, red chili flakes, remaining butter, salt and pepper to taste and the reserved bacon. Let all that hang out in the pan for a few minutes and then get all glorious, then add beans, carrots, greens and spritz with some lemon. Then turn the heat to medium and add the mussels. They will cook quickly, opening in about two minutes give or take a minute. DISCARD any mussels that do not open – unless you feel like getting sick because that is what unopened mussels can do to you. Remove from heat and serve with fresh herbs and hot, fresh bread.